"I Just Want to Pick Your Brain": How to Make the Most of Asking for Advice and Nurturing Your Network

By Helen Kontozopoulos, Founder & CEO of Resiin and Adjunct Professor in the Department of Computer Science at the University of Toronto

The phrase "I just want to pick your brain" drives me insane. Not only does it produce images of zombies (which I'm a big fan of), but it also tells me the person in front of me asking for my time will waste it. I might be wrong, but I prefer a different approach than the usual way to request someone's time and expertise.

While it might seem like a harmless ask, this approach can often lead to vague, unfocused conversations that leave both parties feeling unsatisfied. Here's how to turn that casual request into a productive and meaningful exchange, nurturing and growing your network.

Be Specific About Your Needs

When you reach out to someone for advice, be clear and specific about what you need. Instead of saying, "I just want to pick your brain," try something like, "I'd love to get your insights on transitioning from a technical role to a managerial position." This clarity helps the other person prepare and ensures the conversation stays focused.

Do Your Homework

Before you ask for someone's time, do your research. Understand their background and expertise. This preparation shows respect for their time and makes your questions more relevant. For example, if you're seeking advice on starting a startup, familiarize yourself with their entrepreneurial journey and highlight specific aspects you want to discuss. I like talking about myself, but we only have 30 minutes.

Frame Your Request Thoughtfully

Timing and tone are crucial when framing your request. Start with a brief introduction and explain why you're reaching out to them specifically. Acknowledge their expertise and how it aligns with your current challenges or goals. For instance, "I've been following your career in product development and admire your work on XYZ project. Could we discuss some strategies for launching a new product?"

I understand you're busy, but if you have 20-30 minutes to chat over the next few weeks, I would greatly appreciate it, and I can work around your schedule

Offer Flexibility

Respect the other person's schedule by offering flexibility in your request. Suggest a few different times for a meeting and express your willingness to accommodate their availability. For example, you could say, "I understand you're busy, but if you have 20-30 minutes to chat over the next few weeks, I would greatly appreciate it, and I can work around your schedule." Calendar scheduling tools work great, but you want to put less friction in front of the person to choose a time in your calendar. Act like an EA and do the heavy lifting, ask for their availability, make it work in your schedule, and send the calendar invite.

Be Prepared and Respectful of Their Time

Once you secure a meeting, come prepared with a list of specific questions or topics. Keep the conversation on track and be mindful of the agreed-upon time limit. Showing that you value their time will leave a positive impression and increase the likelihood of future interactions.

Express your gratitude for their time and insights, and mention any actionable steps you plan to take based on their advice.

Follow Up with Gratitude

After your conversation, follow up with a thank-you note. Express your gratitude for their time and insights, and mention any actionable steps you plan to take based on their advice. This follow-up shows appreciation and keeps the door open for future interactions.

Offer Something in Return

Networking and mentorship are two-way streets. Consider what you can offer in return, even if it's just a tiny gesture. Whether sharing an interesting article, offering to connect them with someone in your network, or providing feedback on a project, showing that you can contribute value strengthens the relationship.

Asking questions, you could easily find answers online shows a lack of preparation.

Avoiding Common Pitfalls

Here are some common mistakes to avoid when asking to "pick someone's brain":

• Being Too Vague: General requests often lead to unfocused and unproductive conversations.

• Not Respecting Their Time: Going over the agreed-upon time or not preparing adequately can leave a negative impression.

• Ignoring Their Expertise: Asking questions, you could easily find answers online shows a lack of preparation.

• Failing to Follow Up: Not expressing gratitude or providing feedback on how their advice helped can close doors to future interactions.

Nurturing Your Network

Effective networking is more than just one-off meetings; it's about building and maintaining long-term relationships. Here are some tips to nurture your network:

• Stay in Touch: Periodically check in with your contacts. Share updates about your career and ask about theirs.

• Provide Value: Look for ways to help your network, whether by sharing helpful information, making introductions, or offering support.

• Be Genuine: Authenticity goes a long way in networking. Be yourself and show genuine interest in others.

• Keep Track: Use tools like Linkedin and Resiin to keep track of your connections and interactions. This helps you remember important details and stay organized.

Transform the zombie-like ask

Conclusion

With the right approach, you can transform the zombie-like ask into a meaningful and productive exchange. By being specific, doing your homework, framing your request thoughtfully, and respecting the other person's time, you can build valuable relationships and gain awesome insights. Remember, effective networking is about creating genuine connections and giving back as much as you receive. Following these steps can nurture and grow your network, turning casual conversations into lasting professional relationships.